Breathing Room, or Stability Due to the Lack Thereof.

It's been two years since I last wrote here. Life is craziness. New job (10 months ago), new city (9 months ago), out of state family illness (4.5 months ago, and ongoing), different broken down car (that is a story in and of itself). Another adventure, for sure.

Rather than provide a complete review of the last two years (which would be reams and reams), I'll try to summarize in a few paragraphs, and dig back in.

So, we moved the motorhome to a new location, more populous, but closer to each of our work locations. Then, to facilitate renovations to the motorhome, we moved into an apartment. It was the first time we had lived in traditional housing in about five years. Of course, it wouldn't last :-).

Three months into apartment living, our one vehicle catastrophically broke down. We bought an old jeep that hopefully could withstand the daily abuse of the 45 mile, one way commute to my workplace, six miles of which were dirt road, consisting of 3-4 inch washboard.   The grill fell out, the driver side door lock fell out, a headlight fell out, it leaked about a quart of oil per tank of fuel, but it would start dependably and survive the commute.  Our lives had a modicum of stability.  Work, life, transportation, social interaction, The motorhome and unrepaired, yet-to-be-paid-off older car were in storage.  We could make the budget, our lives had routine and predictability (outside of the occasional series of theater escapades. Theater folks are amazing.)  Cue the fantastic upset! (Come on, you knew it was coming...)

I received a highly unlikely, statistically improbable recruitment letter that led to a fantastic job offer from a maturing Silicon Valley start up run by a world renowned entrepreneur (yes, if you read the news, even tangentially, you know his name) whose efforts may very well change the world, in multiple ways, and this is not exaggeration.

In the space of a month, I  completed interviews by phone, by Skype, in person, with a total of about 10 people, pulled up stakes, and settled in at an extended stay hotel in the new city. A month later, our apartment lease up, my family joined me, (my mans job immediately offered 100% work-from-home, sending him off with $6k worth of computer equipment, and a raise to keep him.)  I know this shit doesn't happen in real life. Except, for us, it just did.  If life is a game, somebody rolled a D20 on  our behalf last August.

Most people, at this point, would be sensible, and simply find an apartment, and settle into "normal" life.  Given the outrageous cost of housing in this area, we found it to be financially feasible, and reasonable, to simply stay in the hotel. The corporate discount brought the cost down enough to where it was cheaper to stay there, utilities included and dog accepted, without application fees, security deposits, etc, and provided just about the same square footage and amenities. It helped that the hotel was less than a mile from my new workplace. I could even avoid the horrendous traffic that comes with a valley commute. Given these choices we were able to erase over $5k of debt in less than six months.

5 months into this, as we were still scouring ads and craigslist and conversations for reasonable housing that would allow our 65 lb dog, and lack of real rental history, my mother was struck with a debilitating stroke. We packed up the majority of our belongings and transferred them to storage, packed the jeep with everything necessary, and headed out on the road, hotel room left clean, but for the the refrigerated food that would not keep, and the crock pot which was forgotten on top of a cabinet in our haste.

We went from settled to mobile in 24 hours, and were at her side, 700+ miles later, within 40.
The following weeks involved much attendance at the hospital. As a family, we went through terror, support, depression, encouragement, determination, gratitude, inflamed rage, understanding and lack thereof.

I had to keep my job, and I had to be with her.   After my paid time off ran out, and her recovery was in full swing, we compromised. My man would stay with family at reduced rent (cost of housing back home is about 25% of what it is in the Bay), and I would travel back every other weekend or so, and stay there as needed if more drastic measures were needed. The only thing that would make this financially feasible, including travel costs, would be for me to live in the car.

After much discussion, hemming and hawing, and looking for other solutions, this has been our course of action. Barring further catastrophe, we should be able to get him moved back up here, and us back into a hotel, in September. We will have a bit of savings, and some other debts paid.  I will be able to be there for my mother throughout her recovery, visiting every few weeks. If it weren't for other family members who love her just as much as I do, we would be moving there, permanently.

Here's the interesting dichotomy. I am making the best money I have ever made, doing work that I enjoy doing, in the most interesting and populous city I have ever been in longer than a week, and have lived out of my car for the longest period of time I ever have ( 3 months and counting). Given existent restrictions, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I am so grateful for the things in my life that have allowed this.  I have a man who is understanding, and while concerned for my safety, trusts in my ability to handle things, and loves me even when I make decisions that are not normal. I have a mother who is as stubborn as I am, and has aimed that determination at recovering and physical therapy, and regaining skills possessed since early childhood. She has a husband who genuinely cares for her, above and beyond, and shows this, daily, not only through word but in every action. I am in awe of, and extremely grateful for, the zest for life, and desire to experience it, that they both possess, well into their seventies.  Despite all that has happened, they are planning travel after her recovery, a trip to the Grand Canyon, a trip to Alaska, visiting family back in Arkansas and Tennessee.  They inspire me.

Future plans are to get re-settled up here, continue in our work, with a 5 year plan that leads to both of us working for ourselves, independent of traditional employment, and a house purchased somewhere with lower costs and high speed internet. I know this is unrealistic, by "normal" standards. The thing is, normal has never really worked out very well, for me. Unrealistic has, and does. Why not go for it?

From Slinkies to Stephen Fry

I just watched 2:31 of a youtube video depicting the epic (their description, not mine) travels of a slinky, on a treadmill... set to the soundtrack of Lord of the Rings (or some other musical score that should have been). Yes, for you logical ones, it was tilted downhill. I kind of thought this was cool. Then I thought it was kind of lame that I thought it was cool, but got distracted by wondering which way the ripples and patched parts of the treadmill would guide the slinky next (lateral movement), and continued watching (SQUIRREL!!!) .

 I almost closed the tab, but then started concentrating on exactly how far up or down the slinky was on the ramp in relation to objects next to it, and considered that the longitudinal speed of the slinky varied due to the lateral movement caused by the aforementioned defects of the treadmill belt, because the slinky "steps" were of the same length, so more lateral movement lead to a negative longitudinal acceleration but less lateral movement led to a positive one. The general consideration of the physics involved led me to think of a book currently on my bedside table that goes over physical proofs for mathematical concepts, which led me to simultaneously think of how there is probably a professor somewhere using this video to illustrate concepts to a Physics 101 class, and if there isn't there should be, and of another book, given me by my mother at about eleven years of age (me, not my mother) titled "The Way Things Work". 

In this book, mammoth power is employed to describe basic mechanical concepts, like wedges and gears and how lock cylinders work, and wondering if there is an elementary school science teacher somewhere using that text to enrapture their students with science, and if there isn't there should be. In addition to that, I realized while writing this that no one ever uses the terms "lame" or "cool" to describe things anymore, and how usage of that particular slang belongs to an older generation now, and how that must make me part of that "older" generation.  Upon which I realized I am spending my Friday night watching lame ass Youtube videos of stupid, stupid things, it’s after 11 PM and I should really be going to sleep, which is probably why the above diarrhea of the brain occurred.

At this point, I distract myself from that (I don’t WANNA go to bed yet! And, I’m all grown up so I don’t HAVE to! (No work tomorrow, J  ) By realizing this is entirely too long for a facebook post, and I should probably make a blog post out of it, and realizing I’ve mentioned two books that really should be reviewed for my OTHER, sadly neglected book review blog, and reminded me that I REALLY should add more posts to the OTHER other blog I started on cussing, because I  recently acquired some terms that deserve to be shared. I just LOVE expanding my vocabulary, don’t you?

Also in there, I realized that one should never end a sentence with “should be” or use the phrase "kind of", or "mis-use" quotation marks, but feel somewhat vindicated by the idea that English is a living language and we should not be so caught up in proper grammar to express ideas, as long as those ideas are expressed clearly, a la Stephen Fry. 

With that, I am going to bed. Alternatively, I can continue feeding my information addiction through Youtube, Stumbleupon, Facebook, et al., ad nauseam. Good night!

Of Purple, Mint, and Motor Coaches

We've MOVED!!!

In more than one sense.

 We are in a new rig, a 37' 1990 Eurocoach ( hereafter referred to as "The Bus", even though it is technically a motorhome built on a bus chassis), one that is comfortable, and mobile under its own power.
We are in a new city, one about 60 miles from the old one. It's bigger. It's colder. There is more to do. It's close to where my man works, cutting out about 2 hrs worth of commuting for him, and allowing me to actually come home after work. I took votes on colors for new drapes. dark purple was the choice made. this should be interesting.

Speaking of work, I've moved there, too. Still the same company, but a different department (yet again) and a desk. I had a work bench before.  I have- dare I say it, even admit to it? - room dividers around my new desk. The space within measures 4' x 8'. I checked. I measured it. With a laser.  It can't really be a cubicle if it isn't cube shaped. Right? RIGHT? Please, for the love of all that grows and flourishes within the human heart, agree with me.

I wonder if I could get away with disguising the walls with fabric applique? I need to get my angry bird from the ceiling of my previous location and install him, too. I've been considering adorning the walls with a calendar that counts down the days to the return of The Walking Dead - yes, the TV show -  but then I'd have to make a section for Dexter, as well. I plan to bring in my "working" library this week. Also, Marcus will be accompanying me. My man suggests I should leave him home, due to the possibility of theft, but I figure a gargoyle can do his job just as well in a...  cubicle...  as he can in a house. (Marcus has been mentioned in this blog before, he is a 2" tall gargoyle with pointy ears, one of which has been damaged, and he is my writing muse. Why do I want a writing muse in a engineering atmosphere? I don't know why, just that I want him there.) Besides, I need to add something of interest to my desk or the guys will start wondering if I am a serial killer ( I have already been accused of possessing the handwriting of one, and mentioned 101 ways to kill someone with a plastic spoon in casual conversation, I don't think that comment was received as intended), devoid of the standard range of human interest. I suppose I should find pics of Mike and the dogs for it, as well. I think I want shelves on my desk. I have a big flat area that needs to be broken up with something.

I wish I could learn stuff by osmosis, that I could simply use a textbook for a pillow and the knowledge would just float over, perfectly synchronized to my needs as they arise. It would be worth the crick in the neck. I have so many hours of studying ahead of me, it would be funny if I didn't want to cry. The number of hours I will be dedicating to study for the necessary skills of my new position are only surmounted by the dedication of Tibetan Monks and...  well, serial killers. They LOVE what they do. They need it, as a foundational  fundamental need. Except for the monks, who are trying not to need anything, but you get what I am trying to say. I suppose I need, too. Why else would I have chosen the path I have? Why do I ALWAYS have to pick the fucking hard road? The road that makes no sense at all? Why can't I just let go and do the things normal people do, in the order they are normally done, and be happy with it?

  Having mentioned libraries, I feel I must confess a recent sin of paramount evil. I culled 90% of my library. I have as many books in the house as I will be bringing for my one shelf in my... cubicle. Is it really so much truth stretching if I call it an office instead? My entire personally owned library (the portion not relocating to my workplace, that is) fits in a milk crate and stacks on my night stand. ALL of it.

Most titles I previously owned had either been read multiple times, so many, in fact, that if I opened the cover, I could recite from memory the opening lines. If I hadn't read it by now, I wasn't going to. I kept a few for sentimental reasons, mostly gifts of significance, like "How Things Work" and "Why Things Are" both received from my mother in my tweens. I suppose I had been asking so many questions she felt a preemptive strike was necessary. I still love both of them. The rest are either reference material not easily memorized or those few books I possessed and hadn't read yet, but wished to.

I have new self proclaimed commandments, excepting only useful (and it has to be genuinely useful!) references and sentimentally held books, but that is for another post, in which I can give the logic more concisely. In any case, this has led to me reading more material, better material, and the material changing more often. It's been a good thing. Support your local library!

We have a new puppy, too. His name is Dargo. (Yes, after the Farscape character.) He is a Pit Bull, Bull Mastiff mix. He is trying very hard to grow into his paws. Our dog food bill has tripled. he and jager are in a mostly friendly battle for dominance. Siouxsie watches in a state of near boredom, being "above" the petty squables of mere dogs. Dargo such a wonderful bundle of fur and cuteness that the chaos he causes is almost - almost- acceptable. He has been nicknamed the Destroyer of Worlds. They may be small worlds, but are worlds nonetheless.

As a side note to the dog thing, Nylabones are the awesomest! they are capable of distracting him even when other temptations are placed in his path. My boots are now safe (I think) for a while longer.

Speaking of boots, I am saving for these : http://www.dmusastore.com/p-3251-1460-for-life.aspx
 Work boots with a lifetime guarantee! In red! Yay! I don't think that covers doggy destruction though.

In other news, I am researching biofuels to find out if it is possible to build a mobile platform to grow and process biofuels with a small enough form factor to fit comfortably into the outside storage compartment of the bus. It doesn't have to work quickly, just effectively. I am thinking of an algae based system, rather than traditional plants like camelina or canola or soybeans or corn. I will have to research hydroponics, stabilization, and of course, biofuels manufacture. it should be interesting.

The plan is to switch out the generator for a diesel one, and eventually get a diesel car, as well. Production, by that time, will have been switched to a building on the land we have yet  to purchase, that will have the earthbag dome on it, but I digress.

We finally had a tree this year! It was an 8" rosemary plant trimmed into christmas tree shape, but its more than we had last year. Anyway, rosemary is tasty and smells good, so I have an excuse for actually spending cash on it.

So yeah, I've covered home, work, boots, new dog, library, education and biofuels. I think that's quite enough for one post, but hope to provide updates more frequently in this year.

Toodles!

Nothing is Wonderful!

Three day weekends are a double edged sword. The rest is nice, but I take myself to task for all I haven't done in the seemingly extra time. I become distracted from my usual routine, realizing there is more world out there that I will ever see in one lifetime.  I eventually get through the depressed state of mind this realization induces and start trying to figure out how to make this desire a reality, only to get distracted back on task into my work-a-day life by the practical needs presented for fulfillment by both those dreams and the need to survive.

I find myself at the end of another missed opportunity to get out of the house a bit, but am grateful for the rest it has provided. My mind is awake, my body is far less sore than it was on Friday,  and I have had the opportunity to write a bit. I miss it, and this break has reminded me exactly how much writing makes me feel better. I've no idea why, I just know that I shouldn't forget the fact.

I've enjoyed the time off, it's been an opportunity to recharge, one that was sorely needed, even if I didn't realize it at first. I'd almost forgotten ( classifed the information in a less accessible portion of my brain, anyway) how wonderful doing nothing can be. No plans, no going anywhere, no catching up on the million and one things I "should" be doing, just living like a couch potato and ignoring the myriad "needs", realizing most of them are simply busywork, and have no real bearing on my existence. Tomorrow it will all come back, rushing in, and I will do the things that need to be done everyday. Tomorrow.

Right now, I have to finish doing nothing.

Hurry Up and Wait

Well, recent events just go to show how much of a kiddie roller coaster  life can be! We got a new car in Feb., and have put just about 10k miles on it. We had an emergency trip to Arizona for a memorial service immediately following a large corporate event at my work, combined with a department transfer shortly before layoffs at my workplace, (I've escaped the axe thus far, yay!). The effects have made keeping up with school this semester beyond my ability to manage to my satisfaction. It isn't that the work is difficult, they are all freshman level courses, the problem is that there is not time in the day to complete the work, and also hold down a 10 hr a day (due to the department shift, oh joy) job with 45 minutes of commute each way. The lack of sleep makes it like I step into a Hunter S. Thomson novel, drug free. I  have withdrawn from classes, but am slated to start up again next semester, and hopefully will be able to CLEP through a couple courses before then!

I have had new opportunities at work, and have proven that the squeaky wheel gets the grease as far as training is concerned. But, now things are slowing down a bit, it is simply the nature of the industry, it fluctuates given the needs of the customer, and the ability of entities to invest in our customers product. I wish the finances didn't fluctuate with it! I need to get to work on that, and may perhaps have the time, if this keeps up.

All things considered, things are lookin' up, but it's kinda hard to get around the crick in my neck, if you catch my drift.

Here's to sunshine and lack of birds directly perpendicular to my direction of travel!

Living the Dream

Another year has begun, and I've not mentioned it here, two thirds of a month in. I tend to become retrospective in January. I realize most people do this at the end of a year, rather than the beginning.

"A change in the wind, says I," - yes, that is how I feel, as though great changes were headed into our lives. I know why. There has been a lot of change, with more to come. We have a large kitten, (named Siouxsie, we did finally name her, and she is a bit of a banshee), and our dog Diablo has heart disease and cancer. We are looking at land, more seriously. My man is employed! There is a home with hot running water, a dishwasher, and more than 240 sq. ft. on the horizon, perhaps within three months. I am in my second semester of school. My job is progressing, I am learning new things in my field every day. I can see how eventually, all this effort will pay off. I hope.

I feel overwhelmed by all we have yet to accomplish, but that the "we" is stronger. I am encouraged by what our effort has produced thus far. I have not given up, and my hope has been strengthened. I have a roof, with hope of a better one. I have food, even good food. I have fresh running water, and if we have to heat it the old fashioned way right now, it teaches patience and water conservation, and when we get in a new place, running hot water will feel like an extreme, pampering luxury. I will have room to work! I can pull out and fire up the forge. Maybe set up a spinning wheel. I want to learn how to play the piano, too.

School seems to be one of those things that will feel like it takes forever, but will be gone before I know it. In ten years, if it all comes together, I'll be a papered engineer, with a couple patents under her belt, living in a hand built earthen dome home on desert acreage, with a man using his computer science major and the business he has built. We'll be able to travel, able to be comfortable, and able to pursue those activities we choose. I will have become the blacksmith/bladesmith I have wanted to become for years. Perhaps by then I will have that novel published, with one or two more behind it.

I have filled my time with "impossible goals", not that the individual dreams are impossible, but that they could all happen together. "Accomplishing the impossible, one day at a time," that's my mantra these days, because, it isn't impossible. It's simply improbable. For me, that's a piece of cake! Right? Right.

I wonder, can confidence and sheer willpower pull it off? Sure. I think... anyway, that's what I have to work with, right now, so it will simply have to be enough.

Yeah, it'll work.

Cat Kind and Writing

So, this weekend has been ok. I love it when the creative juices explode into action, and I can get a large chunk of a  story written, or a new outline completed.  I was able to work for four hours straight, and it started by reading over older work, realizing that the beginnings of two separate stories really belonged  together.  In addition, I got the outline of a new one begun.  Awesome stuff!

That brings me around to self publishing. I think I’ll try the 99₵ kindle ebook app when the time comes.  It seems like it would be a better route given the success of several new authors using that particular media.  In any case, it would be a publishing credit.

I cannot wait for the semester to be over! Finals are in a week and a half.  Next semester subjects are English Composition, Algebra, Geology 101, and a Digital Electronics class.   Woot! Useful stuff. I have to start at the bottom again for math, it’s been too long. Back in the day I could do calc problems that took two pages to solve  like it was fun (it was) but now, yeah, I’m lucky to be able to solve a simple equation. The review will be good, allowing me to re-build a solid foundation.

They are playing Christmas music on not one, but TWO of my radio stations now. My favorite TV show (The Walking Dead) has been put on hiatus until Feb. 12^th, and they are playing frigging Christmas movies in the time slot.  I am coming to the realization that I severely dislike Christmastime.  I have trouble with the mythology being accepted as genuine history, I hate the fake cheer everywhere. If people were genuinely cheerful and happy, it would be different, but most of us seem to put on the smiley face mask this time of year. I am glad for those who have faith and nothing to sullyt heir traditions, but to me, this time of year always seems such a hassle. I’ll be glad when things go back to “normal” whatever that is.

We now have a kitten. I know, I know, it isn’t particularly smart with two large dogs and two humans living in 240 sq. ft. There were no other kittens near by, no cat, and no humans.  I found it underneath a car parked next to the old Ford I recently purchased.  It was alone, in freezing weather, and I had to go to work right then or be late.  I can leave a lot of things out in the cold to fend for themselves, but not a baby, especially such a cute, furry baby mewling at the top of it lungs.

The dogs are interested and want to make friends, but the kitten is having none of it. The instinctive drive to nurture perpetual hatred of dogs is simply too strong.  Hopefully, it will calm down over time, learning that Diablo and Jager simply want to play, and in Jagers case, mother.

We need to find a name for it. None we’ve found so far seem to fit.  I wonder, is there a name list for cats somewhere?

I need to go feed the aforementioned cat, and then get back to writng.

Toodles!